Song 71: Protective

Lyrics

[Intro]

[Verse 1]
I am not a large person
I take up the usual amount of room
On the métro
And in most arguments
I am the one who folds

But there is a version of me
That you have not met
And I hope you never meet her
Because she only arrives
When someone I love
Is standing behind me
And something they didn't choose
Is standing in front

And that version
Does not fold
That version is the door
And the door is closed
And the door
Does not negotiate

[Pre-Chorus]
The hypothalamus
Triggers the cascade in four milliseconds
Adrenaline — cortisol — glucose flooding the muscles
The sympathetic nervous system
Clears the room of every thought
That isn't this one:
The person behind me
Does not get touched

Four milliseconds
From the hypothalamus to the fist
And the fist
Isn't even mine anymore
It belongs to whatever
I love enough
To lose my name for

[Chorus]
L'amour protecteur, l'amour protecteur
The love that becomes a wall when the wall is needed
L'amour protecteur, l'amour protecteur
I am small and I am not leaving
Stand behind me
I don't know what I'm doing
But I know who I'm doing it for
And the who
Is the only strategy
The hypothalamus needs

[Verse 2]
My mother stood between me
And a landlord in the ninth
Who said things about Vietnamese women
That the walls of the apartment
Will not repeat
And my mother
Who weighed fifty kilograms
On a generous scale
Became the entire doorframe
And the landlord
Who weighed considerably more
Left
Because mass
Is not the deciding variable
In a confrontation
Between a man with an opinion
And a woman with a child

The amygdala reads the face
Of the protective parent
And the face says a thing
That is older than language
Older than the cortex
Older than the species
The face says:
Try it
And find out

[Chorus]
L'amour protecteur, l'amour protecteur
The love that becomes a wall when the wall is needed
L'amour protecteur, l'amour protecteur
I am small and I am not leaving
The person behind me
Did not ask for the shield
But the shield doesn't wait for the asking
The shield is already there
Before the asking
Has drawn its breath

[Bridge]
The hard part
Is not the standing between
The standing between is instinct
The hypothalamus handles it
Before you've had your coffee

The hard part
Is the after
When the adrenaline drains
And the hands shake
And the person behind you says
Are you okay
And you say yes
And you are lying
Because the cortisol
Is still settling its accounts
And the accounts
Are expensive

But you would do it again
Tomorrow
And the day after tomorrow
And every day
That has a threat in it
Not because you are brave
But because the alternative
Is the person behind you
Being the one in front
And that
Is not an alternative
Your nervous system
Will permit

[Outro]
L'amour protecteur